So I’m a huge New York Rangers fan. Hockey. Like, it’s my life blood. I run this Rangers website. They’re as strong and benevolent a force in my life as music and poetry and I can’t even qualify to you how appreciative towards music and poetry I am except to say a good song—even a good lyric—, an illumined moment that some exceptional soul found the words for, heard or read when you really need it, can without a doubt make your life come alive, be the only one who understands during dark times, pull you out of a depression and/or rocket you into love, or at the very least, decency. I’ve been saved a million times by the bright waters of others’ songs and writing and I look at Rangers hockey like a perpetual river I can walk beside for the entire season. (in the summer there is baseball, The Yankees, and actual rivers to walk beside)
Why would some greedy corporate swines want to dam up that river?
For the last month Time Warner Cable has been in a contract dispute with MSG Network and since both sides are evil soulless pigs they’ve decided to pull MSG Network (and all Ranger games) from television so as to create leverage in this ridiculous money war. Both sides are disgusting bastards.
In my area there are no other cable providers, my building manager won’t let us get a satellite dish, and I don’t have enough money to go to bars every game so instead I just listen to the games on radio or stand outside bar windows peeking in while people eat nachos and point and laugh at me. Pretty fun.
I wrote this open letter because a lot of people are getting screwed out there. But I don’t think it’s enough. That’s why I need your help:
I need a hex on these corporate fascists. I know there are some goth kids out there on tumblr—I’ve read your poetry. Some voodoo children, some black magik practitioners, some witches, some satanists, some conjurers. Can you please place a hex on these motherfuckers? They don’t care about us, they don’t care about anything except shoving as much green into their pockets as possible and humiliating hard working folks in the process. I’m sticking pins in dolls over here, and am just tired of getting screwed around by The Man and having no voice and did I mention that the Rangers are in 1st place and having their best season in over a DECADE!
Hex doesn’t have to be the apocalypse, but just something to let them know they’re not as strong and omnipotent as they think they are: blood leaking through cracks in the ceiling, bed posts go up in flames as they sleep, cut finger every time they slice a piece of cheese, credit cards all become demagnetized, all their cocaine and viagra ceases to work and winds up like BBs in their lungs making it difficult, if not impossible to breathe, get high, or have sex. Things like that.
Anyways, if you’re good with hexes and can help out to the cause I know all Ranger fans in NYC would be eternally grateful.