It’s never good to be woken up by the police knocking on your door, but that’s what happened. First off, we live in an apartment so it’s kind of rare to have anyone knock on your door unless you’ve let them into the building. I’m brushing my teeth when I hear knuckles wrap the door and my first thought is that it’s the landlord, which isn’t good because I’m not on the lease and he told my girlfriend he’d raise her rent if she had someone living with her. I hide my toothbrush and pick up a can of cat food, which we decided would be our go-to alibi to evade the landlord and explain why I’m here: feeding the cat.
Surprise, surprise, 2 cops and me holding a can of tuna. And they knew my name. Did the landlord call them? Did some miserably discontent tenant realize I’ve been receiving mail here for 2 years and complain? I bet it was that new French couple!
The cops were here because a concerned neighbor called them after seeing my trunk open and some maps and cds scattered in the alley near my car. They traced my VIN# through the DMV to get my name and address and came to see what’s up.
You own the black nissan parked in the alley?
Did you leave your trunk open last night?
Well, you’ve been robbed then.
Why don’t you come outside and check it out with us.
They seemed a little put out that I was so unalarmed, but the truth is - I told them- this just happened a few months ago, and then again a few weeks ago so I’m kind of over it. I keep my sleeping bag in my trunk for emergencies with a blanket, some pillows and a roll of duct tape and that was stolen, which sucked, but it’s the type of thing people living in the street would use at least, I rationalize Catholically.
The cops watched me look through my sparse belongings and asked if there was anything they could do. I peeled a long strand of brown hair off the back seat and said:
this isn’t mine. Do you think it’s the person’s who did this?
Hard to say. We all seemed to agree. I told them I’ve seen Law & Order and is there a hair database? Cops on Law & Order seem to get suspects that way.
No, they said, halfheartedly. I was only halfheartedly holding out for the database to exist anyway.
There’s so much car theft around this neighborhood. Mostly people living on the street. You should get a car alarm.
i had one, but it was wired incorrectly and would drain my battery so I had to disable it.
Well, you should get another one.
It was true. it was the best advice. I needed the money for it. I thought of all the other things I needed money for and it was overwhelming so I just continued to rummage through my car trying to notice what was different. When I looked up again, the cops were gone.
When the cops were gone I nearly stuck my hand through a used syringe on the floor of the backseat. Heroin? Diabetic Insulin? Who knows. Stranger blood drying on my backseat (not the first time, funny enough. I drove this kid to the hospital down in Rosarito, Mexico once after he sliced his hand open trying to punch through the spinning blade of an industrial fan outside a bar); Also this scepter-like instrument they must’ve used to wedge into the car, then forgot about when they were high. I mean, seriously, look how ominous this satanic ice pick is:
Strange morning, to say the least. I hope the sleeping bag gets put to good use, Fucker